Lunch Break Reads: Penguin Beer Theft, the King Defects to Canada, Jean-Patrick Manchette, Best Reason to Get Injured, Burning Down the White House (Cake), and Jerks on a Plane / by Lars Garvey Laing-Peterson

Who's laughing now, review board?! My theories about global warming have borne out! Penguins are stealing our beer! Read the full story at Express.

Why wouldn't Burger King want to get up to Canada? They have the Queen on their money! Anyways, Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown is pretty upset, and urges Americans to enjoy their fast food at Wendy's or White Castle and support "support two Ohio companies that haven't abandoned their country or customers." Full story at The Wire.

Manchette was a writer of urgency and cunning, of economy and laconic cool, and of narrative that verges on communiqué. Set within the restricted framework of his genre, those elements clashed more often than they blended. This might seem like a weakness, and it would be for most authors, but Manchette manages it by writing characters whose thoughts, decisions, and very beings are dominated by unmitigated conflict.

Chris Morgan takes on the crime fiction of Jean-Patrick Manchette over at the Los Angeles Review of Books. The whole essay is absolutely worth your time, especially if you have any interest in literature, crime fiction, noir literature and/or film, or were a little disappointed that True Detective only left with one statue at last night's Emmy Awards.

Usually injuries to American football players involve some hulking brute of a man slamming himself into another similarly sized man-monster, but apparently not always. USC cornerback Josh Shaw injured himself quite badly, not to save a play or even the game, but his seven-year-old nephew.

Dude jumped off a second-story balcony, busted both his ankles, and crawled into a pool to save his nephew who didn't know how to swim. Total badass.

Full story at ESPN.

Though, really, I have to agree with this guy:

As Samuel L. Jackson might put it, "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking jerks on this motherfucking plane!" Apparently, United Airlines agreed with this sentiment, diverting a Denver-bound flight to Chicago to remove two massive jerks from the plane after a fight broke out involving a device that prevents the person in front of you from putting their seat back. Full story at The Guardian.